Monday, August 18, 2003
Do you love Me?.. Tend My sheep!..
"Do you love Me?",
You always ask.
"Yes , Lord , You know that I love You.",
I used to answer.
But..
This time, I don't have enough courage to say it once more.
Yet, I'm not that sure of it:
Do I love You?
Do I really??
I'm about to get crazy ..
Don't I really love You??
Whom do I love then?!!
Oh , Lord! I can't even think about it,
And I can't stop myself wondering..
I can't stop fearing it..
I'm obsessed & it really scares me,
Thinking that I do not truly love You .
"YOU", not what You give or what You do..
Thinking that I might be a dead part of Your body..
Realizing that I've been seeking my own glory not Yours,
That I've been trying to calm down feelings of guilt,
That I've been looking for some satisfaction or security,
Finding myself, most of the time, a lost son, stupid, obstinate, refusing reconciliation!
"Do you love me?"
You ask again.
Lord, You know all things!!
You know what's deep in my heart & mind,
You know what's true in my heart & mind,
You know what's good in my heart & mind.
You know me more than I do,
You know all things Lord!
& I know You understand,
For You've always accepted my weaknesses & limits,
You've always respected my doubts, my questions & silly answers,
& I know You've been happy watching me growing,
Happy with my ups & downs,
Proud of my childish trials, though few.
You know all things Lord,
& It was You all the time.
It was You that called me by name,
It was You that helped me to step, then to walk & asked me finally to go into depth.
It was always Your Love to lift me up
& Your grace to bring me back to light.
It was You & it's always " You".
My jobs were never mine..
My job, even my job , is somehow a part of Yours,
& It could only be done by You & with You.
Today, when I look at myself..
At my family , at my friends ,
At my school , at the world ,
I look at The Harvest truly great.
Yes, truly great all around!
I see You pointing to the whitened Harvest.
I hear You saying:
"The Laborers are few."
I hear You repeating :
"Feed My lambs..
Tend My Sheep..
If you do love Me,
Don't you love Me?
Don't you??.."
& I find myself truly embarrassed,
Is this calling me again?
Is this testing the authenticity of my "love"?
Is this a new blessing??
What are You trying to tell me Lord?
What are You asking me Lord?
I've no answers,
Not for today..
But,
As I can not resist,
As I just can not,
I'm putting everything in Your hands O Lord,
I'm praying for The Sheep,
All The sheep including myself,
I'm praying for The Harvest,
The whole Harvest
& For the laborers...
All the laborers.
I'm asking You Lord
To send out laborers into Your Harvest .
I'm asking You
To send me wherever You want me to be
But If You one day
Decide to send me anywhere,
Please Lord,
Teach me how to love You more than anything,
Please Lord,
Help me to love You truly,
With all my heart, mind & power
Search me O God, & know my Heart,
Try me & know my anxieties
See if there is a wicked way in me,
& Lead me in the way everlasting.
You always ask.
"Yes , Lord , You know that I love You.",
I used to answer.
But..
This time, I don't have enough courage to say it once more.
Yet, I'm not that sure of it:
Do I love You?
Do I really??
I'm about to get crazy ..
Don't I really love You??
Whom do I love then?!!
Oh , Lord! I can't even think about it,
And I can't stop myself wondering..
I can't stop fearing it..
I'm obsessed & it really scares me,
Thinking that I do not truly love You .
"YOU", not what You give or what You do..
Thinking that I might be a dead part of Your body..
Realizing that I've been seeking my own glory not Yours,
That I've been trying to calm down feelings of guilt,
That I've been looking for some satisfaction or security,
Finding myself, most of the time, a lost son, stupid, obstinate, refusing reconciliation!
"Do you love me?"
You ask again.
Lord, You know all things!!
You know what's deep in my heart & mind,
You know what's true in my heart & mind,
You know what's good in my heart & mind.
You know me more than I do,
You know all things Lord!
& I know You understand,
For You've always accepted my weaknesses & limits,
You've always respected my doubts, my questions & silly answers,
& I know You've been happy watching me growing,
Happy with my ups & downs,
Proud of my childish trials, though few.
You know all things Lord,
& It was You all the time.
It was You that called me by name,
It was You that helped me to step, then to walk & asked me finally to go into depth.
It was always Your Love to lift me up
& Your grace to bring me back to light.
It was You & it's always " You".
My jobs were never mine..
My job, even my job , is somehow a part of Yours,
& It could only be done by You & with You.
Today, when I look at myself..
At my family , at my friends ,
At my school , at the world ,
I look at The Harvest truly great.
Yes, truly great all around!
I see You pointing to the whitened Harvest.
I hear You saying:
"The Laborers are few."
I hear You repeating :
"Feed My lambs..
Tend My Sheep..
If you do love Me,
Don't you love Me?
Don't you??.."
& I find myself truly embarrassed,
Is this calling me again?
Is this testing the authenticity of my "love"?
Is this a new blessing??
What are You trying to tell me Lord?
What are You asking me Lord?
I've no answers,
Not for today..
But,
As I can not resist,
As I just can not,
I'm putting everything in Your hands O Lord,
I'm praying for The Sheep,
All The sheep including myself,
I'm praying for The Harvest,
The whole Harvest
& For the laborers...
All the laborers.
I'm asking You Lord
To send out laborers into Your Harvest .
I'm asking You
To send me wherever You want me to be
But If You one day
Decide to send me anywhere,
Please Lord,
Teach me how to love You more than anything,
Please Lord,
Help me to love You truly,
With all my heart, mind & power
Search me O God, & know my Heart,
Try me & know my anxieties
See if there is a wicked way in me,
& Lead me in the way everlasting.
